Loving Our Calling

Loving our calling. . . This has been something that has been on my heart.  Because for me, in this season, loving my calling also means loving my kids more and better.  Not just being with them because this is what I feel I should be doing, but actually enjoying being with them.  Day in and day out.  

You would think my choice as a stay at home mom would mean the above statement is true and has been true my entire mothering career.  You would assume wrongly if so.  In fact I would venture to say I have spent more time having a hard time with being a mom than I have actually loving it.  Don't get me wrong, me being at home with my kiddos is something my husband and I feel very strongly about.  It is truly where I feel called to be, but that doesn't always mean that it is easy to be here.  Or even on some bad days that I want to be here. . . 

At the end of this school year I was scared.  Scared about what summer really meant for us.  Scared because after a school year of running everyone to different places we wouldn't know how to be around one another.  That I wouldn't know how to be around my children.  Honestly I have walked through an incredibly tough season the last two years, one where I know I wasn't mothering well because I didn't have the emotional capability, capacity, or mental energy to do so.  I was unsure whether I was ready or not.  Can anyone relate to that?  Being nervous about how you would handle being with your own kiddos?

Can I just say though this has honestly been a sweet time.  Granted we are just one week in, but I have been pleasantly surprised at how well it has gone.  I have enjoyed time with them, I have enjoyed the routine they give me, I have enjoyed being at home more, I have enjoyed being reminded of why I am doing what I am doing.  

I am far from perfect.  My six year old could vouch for that after we had a tough morning together.  I lose my cool, rarely do anything fun or pinterest worthy, become as irrational as they are at times, and yet we are still here. . . together. . . living and liking being in this place called home.  I have been praying about my house, for those in it, and how I, as the mom, have the biggest opportunity to set the temperature for my family.  What do I want to be remembered, how do I want my children to look back on their childhood?  How can I accomplish those things and achieve that feeling now? I am working on answering all those questions.

Until then, I leave you with this quote that came up as a memory on my newsfeed today.  What a wonderful reminder as I have pondered the thoughts that made up this post.

This job has been given to me to do. Therefore, it is a gift. Therefore, it is a privilege. Therefore, it is an offering I may make to God. Therefore, it is to be done gladly, if it is done for Him. Here, not somewhere else, I may learn God’s way. In this job, not in some other, God looks for faithfulness. ―Elisabeth Elliot